I think I am finally ready to recount the drama of 2008 as it relates to our process of adding to our family. There are three incidents that make up the whole story, but I am going to focus here mainly on the third situation. The short recap on the other two is as follows.
Everything about getting pregnant and being pregnant with Lily was just easy, happy and average. So, when we decided to try for baby number two, in May 2008, I had no thought that things would be any different. But I was wrong. I got pregnant in May but miscarried in June. I was not devasted. I know that things like that happened, so I gathered myself pretty quickly. My main thought was that my “timing” or ”my plan” was now thrown off .
I got pregnant again at the end of August (I think). From the very beginning, I knew something was wrong. I tried to get my ob’s attention about it, but I was sweetly dismissed. I ended up in the hospital on September 28 having emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy and internal bleeding. This I took hard. This felt very personal – but that is another story.
Then a couple weeks before Christmas I was pregnant AGAIN, but having some pain. With a previous ectopic, they take no chances so I went to the hospital for an ultrasound and blood-work. It turned out that the pregnancy was not ectopic, but my Hcg hormone levels (pregnancy hormone) was supposed to be around 1200 and it was over 14,000. The residents at the hospital said that it looked like I could have a small vanishing twin but not to worry. I would repeat blood-work in two days and then see the doctor 3 days after that.
So, on December 23 I was sitting in the doctor’s office, by that time I had begun to spot a bit. She just very matter-of -factly told me that my Hcg levels had not gone up as much as she thought necessary for a viable pregnancy. With a previous Hcg of over 14,000 they should have seen a fetal pole at the ultrasound, but they did not – case closed – pregnancy doomed.
I believed her, especially since I had already started spotting. I expected that the “flood” would come soon. She gave me a prescription for what she termed “medical management”. She said this was the best option in this case. She diagnosed me officially with a “missed miscarriage” – which means that the baby stopped growing but my body had not recognized it yet. The prescription was for pills that would help my body “finish the job.” As I was walking out of the office, I asked her, “Are you SURE there is nothing that I would be killing by taking these pills?” ”I am 100% sure,” she answered.
I was just so stunned that what looked positive less than a week before had become completely hopeless within the span of a short 10 minute conversation. I gathered myself together, stepped outside on the big city street, put my sunglasses on and started walking. . .and crying.
I decided that day that I was not going to take those pills and be writhing in pain on Christmas and not enjoy Lily. I would just wait for the ”flood” on my own. As the days passed after Christmas, I got sicker and sicker to the point where I was throwing up. I never even threw up with Lily so a part of me was wondering if something was going to be seriously wrong with me again. I, also, stopped spotting and no flood came.
I called the doctor back and told her that my symptoms were extreme. The first question she asked me was had I taken the pills and I said, “No”. Then she launched into her speech that of course I could have symptoms since I had “retained material”. At that point, I had had enough of her. I told her I wanted another ultrasound that week. She agreed but said, “then you take the pills.”
A little over two weeks after the first ultrasound, I walked into the ultrasound room to the girl who had done my original one. She knew my story and looked at the doctor’s notes and asked if this was just confirming that there was nothing viable. I told her that I just didn’t know what to think anymore. So, she started to rub the wand around on my belly and of course I said, “WHAT DO YOU SEE!!!!!????” She said there is a sac. . . (my hopes fade) but she will zoom in just to be sure.
She took a few more minutes without talking and then handed me a towel and told me to sit up. She turned the screen and said, “I want you to look at this.” And there, plain as day, was my 7 week 5 day old baby with a heartbeat! Now, I am usually one for composure in public, but I just lost it. After all that drama and everything was fine!!!!
I have never ever been so grateful in all my life and I will never again take life so lightly as I did when we first started trying to get pregnant. This also confirmed my notions that doctors just do not know everything and make lots of mistakes. This mistake could have been fatal. It was so important for me to think out things for myself and do my own research. In the process, I found a great internet site on misdiagnosed miscarriages which gave me the courage to stand up to the doctor who was so adamant. She did not leave room for Life
So, today I am 11 weeks and one day pregnant. We heard the heartbeat with the doppler on Friday. I won’t say that I am still not somewhat skittish about this whole thing, but I am trying to relax and begin to enjoy this time. I only have about 2 weeks left in the first trimester – and I can hardly believe it. Of course, I have left that doctor behind and have found a midwife that I really like since we have moved too far from the one that delivered Lily.
I hope any woman who reads this will pass it on to friends and remember not just to “yes ma’am” the doctor. It really could be life or death.
Below is a still picture from a few weeks ago when we had that resurrection ultrasound!
