Don’t be shy. I need some input.
A godly guy likes a girl. But, you know, there are some. . . things. . .about her that you (and others) think keep her from being top of the list. She has no major moral failings and she has demonstrated a commitment to Christ and his Church.
Do you tip him off to some past insights about this person?
Do you let him possibly see it for himself by that time he might have his heart in a lot deeper?
Do you drop lots of hints and let him ask?
Do you let him walk around in a drunken stupor over her beauty and forget the whole thing?
Please comment
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Mel Said:
on October 17, 2011 at 2:13 am
Unless his personality is the type where he does the opposite of what people tell him (the stubborn, maybe a little rebellious type) I would say something. Bring it up in a light, easy way and see what happens. If he gets defensive, drop it. But at least you will have gotten the point across.
Robin Stevens Said:
on October 17, 2011 at 4:49 am
Has he asked your opinion? Is he a close enough friend that your relationship with him won’t be ruined if he hears what you have to say and doesn’t heed your advice? Does he know you love him no matter what choices he makes and that you’re willing to stand by him even if he marries a girl you don’t like? Are you willing to love and befriend the girl if he sticks with her? These are all questions I’d ask myself honestly before saying anything. If he is a very close friend, I’d consider saying something if I thought his feelings for the girl were clouding his judgement. By the way, I was a bridesmaid for a friend who married a man I warned her against. So I’ve been in your situation and would be happy to talk with you more about it.
valarie prigg Said:
on October 17, 2011 at 5:19 am
My opinion: she has no moral failures & has demonstrated her committment to God.
Not everyone can be at the top of the list. If they are both growing Christians & sensitive to the spirit…would you be trying to “help God” by going to thid friend & telling him your concerns. I think one or both will go to someone they trust spiritually & ask. I think she deserves love & relationship even if some dont see her as the cream.of the crop. Of course, my opinion is based only on the information you shared. One of them should ask eventually.
Lee Said:
on October 18, 2011 at 8:27 pm
i would think it depends on your relationship to the guy. it is a big thing to rain on someone’s parade unless you’re in a position to do so i would think. or unless the rain is truly necessary rain and you feel a moral obligation to pour it. dropping hints might just seem passive aggressive. or too indirect and therefore useless.
and i agree if you do bring it up, keep it unemotional and if he gets defensive, drop it. if it sounds like a personal attack on him at all, that’s all he will hear: a personal attack, not a word from the wise or a loving concern.
Lee Said:
on October 18, 2011 at 8:29 pm
sometimes it’s better just to let people bear their own load. .
laura Said:
on October 20, 2011 at 6:03 am
yikes. tough one. i’d say if there are some blatant moral issues, etc that are going on…you’re obligated to him as a brother. if the issues are secondary and preferential… not something that would disqualify the relationship from biblically moving forward…unless he asks your opinion, i’d let it go. if he asks, i’d speak plainly and honestly about your observations but with gentleness. i’m really glad that d overlooked a lot of things in me that probably made others shudder. it’s a very profound reminder to me in marriage of the way Christ loves me.