The Life of Savages

Well, I never posted after Halloween.  I failed.  I am sure most of my readers saw Lily as Alice on Facebook but here she is again.

This is no disney Alice - this is Lewis Carroll's Alice!

We continued the age old Willetts' tradition of chili dinner and guests on Halloween. One of our guests, Olivia, wants to follow the big girl.

So AFTER I got ahold of Lily’s candy and completely raided it – which she so graciously allowed – she organized her remaining candy.

Well, the blog has been suffering because the life of these savages has been full of sickness.  After hobbling around all day, thinking I had overdone it in ballet and drinking tea to stay warm since I was shivering, I realized. . . I had a fever.  I took ibuprofen and voila!  Unfortunately, I also drank black tea which is while I am still up in the middle of the night.  Tomorrow I will pay.

Two final random tidbits

1.  I had my first parent/teacher conference at Lily’s school.  They said that she excelled in music/singing (of course! this is the girl who sang hymns at 18 months) and visual art.  They showed me her latest collages.  They said when all the other kids where mostly focused on covering their large sheets of paper with scraps until no underneath paper was showing through, Lily was making designs, layering and incorporating leaves.  They also say she is very loving and gentle with the New Moons.  All things that were no surprise.

They did ask her standard questions that PA wants her to know by the end of Kindergarden. She did very well, but I was a little embarrassed at what she did not know.  She did not know what a fireman or a policeman does.  She said a fireman makes fireworks.  It never occurred to me to discuss these simple things with her. Well, now she knows.

2.  My favorite moments with Susu this week happened today.  I was holding, her but talking to Brian and started laughing.  Then she started giggling at me laughing – sooooo sweet.  The other thing was when I was nursing her I looked down at her as I always do and she would smile back as she always does, but whenever I looked up she would pop off, lean back and try to get my eye contact again.  So, I looked down at her again and she settled back in to nursing (while looking up at me).  This happened several times before I realized that she wanted my full attention – happy to oblige!

We have this photo of Lily that is just so random but so special.  People always comment on it.  At the time I didn’t think I would like anything the photographer was doing but he proved me wrong.  I was trying to recreate the scene (sort of) with Susannah but I didn’t do so well.  She was much more intent on eating her hands the whole time.

This is Lily in "the" photo

Below are my attempts with Susannah

Susannah - Take 1

Take 2. . .oh nevermind

Just for fun - Lily at the same age as S. above

Here are just a few more preschool song lyrics that have delighted me!

The themes this week of course relate to Halloween.

(to a bluesy tune) “Noooo mooore sugar rushin’ to my head.  Give me the vitamins – the healthy stuff instead. . . “

(to a cheery march tune) “There were ghosties sitting on posties eating buttered toasties. . . “

Last week she came home reciting Macbeth – “Bubble bubble boil and trouble.  Fire burn and caldron bubble”  Now I am not a usual proponent of ghosts and witches (okay, I am still not) but these songs are really cute and creative.

I had no idea preschool could be so stimulating for. . . me!

Also, this year, on Halloween, Lily will continue her long obsession with Alice in Wonderland and dress as Alice.  This was her first very long chapter book that we read earlier this year.  She got the bug and since then we have read The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, The Magician’s Nephew and Wizard of Oz – to name a few.  She, also, decided that Susannah should dress up as the Duchess’ baby that turns to a pig.  So I have been trying to formulate a pig costume for the baby. . .We shall see!

As always, Halloween in Philly is the best time to meet neighbors and begin relationships that you can build on for the rest of the year.  The reason is that here everyone sits outside on their stoop to give out candy – and since the houses are all connected, there are lots of people sitting out looking for connections.  Every year I have been really blessed by this! So even though I am not for ghosts and witches, I am very much for community building!

Halloween pictures to come!

I was pulling for the baby to be a polar bear but I got vetoed. . .pig she will be.

This is such a weird time.  All the family has come and gone.  All the friends have brought the wonderful meals and enjoyed the novelty of the new baby and have receded to the background.

I remember this time right after I had Lily.

It lasted a really really long time. . .until Rebecca came.  Before her I really only had one mom friend in town – Karen.  I say one, but I did have several -only Karen, though, was as wide open as I was during the day.  Of course we already had a long history of friendship together, so even just sitting around nursing babies or doing mundane tasks like laundry together was so encouraging and supportive.

This time I thought I had covered all my bases.  Now, I actually have a much larger group of friends with whom I have good community.  I know many who I can call if I need something.  So why am I here again?  I realize that it is one thing to have good friends or at least people that you really like and probably like you a lot too.  It is another thing to have a friend with whom you can just be -or just invite yourself over or just sit around with no plan – someone that you can see easily and also regularly.  When you have one little person who is completely dependent on you, there is not much emotional energy left to pursue get-togethers that take a lot of effort.  It requires real commitment to a person (and availability) to be at that level of comfort and I think this stage of life does not lend itself to forging those commitments like times past.  So, even though I have a larger circle of friends now, I don’t have a “Karen” person, so somedays it feels like I have no one.

I am getting out more.  I see people at church.  I see my dance friends.  I talk to preschool moms and the girl that works at the coffee shop.  There are a lot of people around everyday that I am very thankful for – and I am not sad when I write this.  I think loneliness and sadness are very different though they can overlap.  For an extrovert like me, loneliness comes pretty quickly while it takes A LOT to really get me sad.

In the midst of this phase, I am very thankful for old friends who are out of town.  I feel those real connections that I desire and they are a huge, daily encouragement.  Even just this week the Lord has used people faraway to fulfill that desire to be close.

the ongoing Facebook thread with the Musketeers – the highs and lows -sharing it as a group as we always have

the package from Ginger – all the words and gifts just evidencing how much she knows me – even seeing her handwriting was somehow a comfort

seeing the Willetts and just enjoying that level of understanding and comfort that only comes from a shared vision of how to do life – oh and living together

texting with Lee – tiny, bite-sized notes that feel fuller because of that spiritual connection that we have always had.

Add all this to a smiley baby and things keep moving on pretty well.

I can already tell that Susannah is going to bring so much joy to my life. There is such an ease about her that I cannot explain yet.  Yes, she is easy but that is not what I am talking about.  There is something about her personality that feels so warm.  Lily, also, is a thoughtful companion.  She has begun to turn her inward sensitivity outward.  A quality that made her difficult as a baby is becoming her greatest strength as she demonstrates great attentiveness in her relationships with me and her sister especially.

So the lonely phase sets in again but life is still rich in many blessings.  It is good to remind myself of that when I grow weary of this part.

This is Lily nursing her baby using her Alice in Wonderland apron for her “hooter hider” (this is what she said).  I really hope she doesn’t say the word hooter at school.

Now I get it.

Why women loooooovve having babies and loooooove the baby stage.  Before having Susannah I would NOT have considered myself in that category.  I loooooove Lily but did not particularly appreciate the tiny baby stage just in itself.  It was intense and she was a tough cookie or rather. .  .sensitive.  But now I get it because I have given birth to Miss Smiley, Miss Easy, Miss Awesome Sleeper, Miss Perfect Baby!  I officially love this tiny baby stage.  She is so enjoyable and smells so good.  I am not sleep deprived and thus sane.  I haven’t had to rack my brain to solve any major issues or wonder what is wrong with me or her or both of us.

I am sure some of it has to do with the fact that it must just be easier the second time around.  The learning curve isn’t so steep.  Also, I have changed so much.  I had Lily at 25 and Susannah just a month shy of my now 30.  There is a big difference there and I think I am reaping the benefits from the space between them.  Likewise, I have perspective to know that even when I break all the baby “rules” or can’t get my baby to “fall in line” with my plan (hmm) that they still turn out to be really amazing 4.5 year olds.

HA! but I don’t even need a plan with this baby she just. . . does her own perfectly amazing plan.  What a completely opposite experience this time is!  LOVIN’ IT!!!!!!!

The only downside this time around is my own body.  I pretty much lost all my weight from Lily in about a week (no lie) and was wearing my jeans right away.  This time, however, I still am about ten pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and about 5 pounds from what I would consider my average weight.  I happened to be SUPER skinny just before getting pregnant.  So, all that to say. . . I can’t button my jeans at 7 weeks out.  Ugh.  My favorite item right now – H&M elastic waist jean “leggings.”  Yes, they actually make such a thing and they look scary as all get out on the hanger.  Thirty years old hurts sometimes.

Today when I asked Lily what she would like to do, she said that she wanted to go to IKEA and look around.  I smiled and laughed.  Why does she like IKEA so much?  I know they have tasty treats, but we can go many places for that.  When we arrived, though, I understood.  All the rooms put together with tables laid, kitchens with real ovens that are not connected so there is no danger.  It is like playing house on a grand scale.  We spent quite awhile moving through the different room scenarios while she pretended to cook and clean.  Her favorite part was using the ovens to “cook muffins” and then loading the dishes in the dishwasher.  I am not sure if this is exactly correct behavior for the store, but Lily is generally very careful and we put everything back.  All this IKEA business got me thinking, though, about the difference between Lily’s childhood context and my own.  Here are the ones I thought of first:

Me:  Pretended to call people on my primary color, rotary phone (with a string you could use to pull it around as well).

Lily:  Pretends to send and receive text messages from imaginary friends.  ”Ella texted me to let me know she was on her way over.”

Me:  I spent many wonderful hours in my room listening to records on my trusty Fisher Price record player – anything from Tina the Ballerina to Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Lily:  She knows how to get on the computer and access her specially crafted playlists on Itunes – anything from Veggie Tales to Yoyo Ma playing Bach.

Me:  When I wasn’t in school I was usually just playing outside in the front or backyard with my neighborhood friends.  I know I must have been taken to a park here and there but not as a way of life.

Lily:  We walk to our park on a regular basis to meet up with friends.  She also knows the rundown of several city parks that we visit and asks for them for particular reasons.  Columbus Square for “our park”, 2nd and Reed for “the splash park”, Rittenhouse for pigeon chasing, Washington Square for the “the shady park”. . . and the list goes on.

Me:  I attended your regular Mother’s Day Out programs with nice middle-aged woman and grandmoms in charge.  I went to preschool at Briarcrest where we said our Pledge of Allegiance everyday and had some sugary, red juice at snack.

Lily:  She attends an artsy preschool that has as many young guy teachers (who are impressive) as they do women.  The majority of the teachers have MFAs in a range of things such as Textiles, Vocal Performance, Piano, Painting, and Theater.  Lily sings specially composed songs that correspond to the literature they are reading.  She comes home singing things like (speaking of the Owl and the Pussycat), “They got the ring from the pig.  It was nice, can you dig?” (LOL!) and “. . .with harmonious glee sailing to the palm tree.”  Her snack comes fresh from the Italian Market everyday.

Me:  I went to school with children named Amanda, Erin, Robert, Courtney etc.

Lily:  She goes to school with Zara, Andressa, Niamh, Schuford and Indio. . .

I don’t really know where I am going with this except to say that I am very curious to see how Lily synthesizes all of this.

We may live in Philly but we still bust out our big, southern bows and little, white sweaters.

Me:

In spite of the day having a name that hits a little too close to home right now, Labor Day turned out nice for us this year. Even though it took us TWICE as long as expected to get ourselves together, and even though we took enough stuff to make it look like we would be traveling for a week, and Brian decided to try a new way which ended with us taking a million detours, we decided to laugh it all off and follow through with our day trip to Lake Galena.  We have been there many times and it is always nice to get out of the city for awhile.

This year Brian and Lily went sailing with a friend while Susannah and I hung out on a blanket by the lake.  Lily had the time of her life and I am sure Brian was in 7th heaven as well.  Susannah and I. . .well. . . we hung in there but not matter how great I feel after just having had a baby, I still just had a baby.  I forget that when I am sitting on my couch feeling normal.  After sitting in a Crazy Creek chair for a few hours, my body was saying, “Go Home!”  I did get to read some more Brothers K which was nice and I did enjoy the weather, but by the time we made it home I was beat!

And today my house looks like a tornado came through. . .A face like this makes it all worth it, though!

I was reading Lee’s blog today and realized that on her links it said it had been 4 weeks since I last posted.  That went fast!  I thought a quickie post was in order.  It has been just over a week since our little Susannah was born.  Throughout my pregnancy I enjoyed all the stories of how delivery of second babies is so much easier and labor is so much shorter.  I was so geared up for this wonderful thing!  Unfortunately, I did not get one of those easy experiences.  Labor was much longer this time and delivery was very tough.  The short synopsis goes like this.

I was in labor for 18+ hours – 14 of those were in the hospital.  I arrived at 8cm pretty quickly and then stalled there ALL NIGHT LONG as the baby would not come down enough to finish the job.  Whenever I would sit my contractions would space out so I walked all night. . .and every time I got checked – no progress.  I cannot tell you how demoralizing this was.  When I came to 8cm so quickly my midwife was so encouraging that the baby would be out in no time so even she was a little baffled by what was happening.  Also, I chose once again to go drug free and so I was in A LOT of pain – stalling out at 8cm, right on the cusp of the major, crazy pain was so hard.  By morning I began to doubt myself because I was so tired.  At 10:30 am the next day, I told the midwife to get me into a regular delivery room so I get an I.V. and some pitocin.  I just needed it to be over and I knew (since I had pitocin with Lily) that a little pit (as much as I hate it) would get me over the hump.  Sure enough an hour after getting hooked up to pitocin, I was feeling the urge to push.

Now, I remember pushing with Lily.  It was a very painful 45 minutes, but I was well rested and confident in myself.  This time I went into this phase exhausted and scared.  I pushed for 30 minutes, but the whole time I didn’t know if I could make it through.  I had crazy tailbone pain this time (found out why later) and at one point, as I relaxed in between contractions, I just decided that I had to push her out the next time – and I did.  Her head crowned and came out.  I waited for the big *bloop* of the body but it did not come – just more burning – shoulders were stuck and the midwife was doing some fierce tugging to help me out!  Finally, she came out and they put her right on me.

This is where the story takes a marked turn.  When Lily came out she was all bloody and slippery and screaming her head off.  When I looked at her I had no idea who she was – I say this honestly.  I did not recognize her.  It was all such a new experience and I didn’t know how to process it.  They took Lily right away to clean her up and check her out.  All I heard was screaming and screaming from across the room as all this hustle and bustle of nurses scurried around doing their jobs.  This time I was clear that I wanted no separation at anytime and that I only wanted one nurse and one midwife in the room.  When Susannah came out she was warm and quiet.  We rubbed on her to get her to make some noise and she did but quickly quieted and just looked around.  From minute number one, I recognized her – I knew her.  She was very familiar to me.  I don’t know if it had to do with looks or just less frenzy so I was able to really absorb the moment or what but having her there was just what I had envisioned.

She was nursing within 5 minutes of being born and we all were speculating about. . . her weight!!!  She came out looking so. . . hmmm. . . well – ROBUST!  Finally after I nursed her, I asked them to weigh her to satisfy my curiosity – a whopping 9 pounds 6.7 oz!!!!  ”No wonder she had trouble coming down your little pelvis” exclaimed the midwife.

Those of you that read my blog have read about some of the challenges that Lily has thrown my way.  I will say that she was (as much as we adore her) a difficult, “high maintenance” baby.  I fell completely in love with her, but I was working hard too!  I mentioned that I am glad it went that way because it grounded me about what it means to be a parent but this time. . . I wouldn’t mind a little romance – a little bit of those warm fuzzies with my newborn.

After nine days with Susannah, I can say that I am enjoying my peaceful, easy to soothe, quiet, super-nursing baby.  She has yet to cry for more than two minutes at a time!  Thank you Lord for a little baby romance.  It feels good not to be frazzled!

When is baby girl Savage coming?

Come on – just for fun. . . .and a weight guess

My guess is August 16 (my due date), late at night – 7 pounds, 10 oz.

Rebecca E. has already put in her guess of August 13 (but I have a dance performance that I want to go to that night so maybe not. . . )

Don’t be shy now!