Cuteness! Cuteness! Cuteness! Brian and Lily decided that a camp out was in order, but instead of waiting until the weather turned cooler or there was a free weekend, they just camped for the day. They set up the tent at a local park and made some mac-n-cheese on the camp stove for lunch. The outing was a huge success.
I don’t have much energy these days to do more than what I need to do, so blogging and thinking about blogging has not been high on my priority list. I did, though, want to share a quick word from Lily. I have been highly amused by the way she recounts her days at preschool. Seeing the world through her eyes is something special to me. Sometimes I feel we see things differently, but other times I know EXACTLY where she is. One such example goes like this:
(As much quoted as possible)
Me: So, did you meet any new friends today? Did you play with anyone?
Lily: I did play, but you know I was looking for someone I could just talk to about things.
Me: Did you find anyone?
Lily: No, all the kids were just running back and forth, yapping
Me: Yapping?
Lily: Yeah, just being crazy and making no sense but they had fun.
Me: So, what did you do?
Lily: Well, when I couldn’t find someone to talk with me I just started running back and forth, yapping too. I just followed behind and maybe they would stop soon. . . what else could I do?
Brian and I continue to pray for her that she will find one friend with whom she finds a real connection. So far, though, I see that what I might have often labeled as shy or introverted (though she definitely is that too) might be simply a different taste for what constitutes “fun”. I mean this is the girl that crosses her legs while she rides in a stroller and writes in her “journal.” There is such a cookie cutter understanding of what children “should” like at this age or “should” enjoy. Obviously, Lily thinks running around “yapping” is boring. I don’t blame her. . . I tend to agree.
Some days she seems especially stimulated by art class, everyday she talks about the plays and last night Brian and I got a little concert of her most recent songs. . . something about summertime. Singing seems to be the highlight for her and I remember enjoying that at preschool as well. I still remember so many of those songs. Yesterday, when I picked her up she said she liked it more and more, but she still thought homeschool would be right for her (lol!). . . “well, maybe just ballet school is what I will do.”
Oh dear.
Well, we had our first week of preschool. There are mixed reviews but here is the week in recap.
Ready to go with her lunch bag and very excited!
Day One: Brian and I both took Lily and stayed for about 30 minutes with her. She was very excited and waved good-bye with no tears. Picking her up was a different story. I walked in and all the children were sitting at a table eating cupcakes for someone’s birthday. Lily had her head down on the table (cue mother’s breaking heart). She saw me and calmly walked over. In the car, I asked her how things went. She basically described her feelings with surprising articulation all the while fighting back tears (cue mother’s breaking heart again). She said that it had been a hard day because it was hard to find a friend and she was disoriented by the routine. She also said that she was so tired and it felt too long. She then laid on my lap for at least an hour.
End of day 1 - can we say SHELL SHOCK!
Day Two: She happily helped me pack her lunch bag. She was happy about going again because I told her that I would pick her up earlier today and bring her home to take a nap. We arrived and she was okay until I had to go. She started crying but perked up when her friend, Ella, from dance class walked in the door. When I picked her up later she was laughing and talking. The teachers said she had a great day and was very into singing the songs. She said that she had a much better day and that she just cried a little in the beginning because. . .and I quote. . .”I had to get some madness out to get to the happiness.” She came home and took an almost 3 hour nap.
Day Three: Happy to go but cried at drop-off again – although by the time I made it to the door I could hear that she stopped. When I picked her up early again she said she wanted to stay a few more minutes to play. . . Wow! She ran off and left me sitting at her lunch table. I went to find her in the other room and she was dressing up with two other girls. I let her play a few more minutes and then we came home. She walked in the door, grabbed her bunny, went to the potty and went right to her bed with very little talking (amazing). She has been asleep now for 2.5 hours.
The verdict: I think it is quite a transition for her and it definitely exhausts her, but overall I think each day is better and by the time I need to be home on the couch with a newborn, I am sure she will prefer to play at preschool.
Today I enjoyed two luxuries. I slept in and took a nap. Wow! Do I feel good! I guess I didn’t technically have the whole day off. I still cooked dinner, cleaned the house and worked on laundry, but I slept which is something I am finding harder to do well these days. Even before I was pregnant I thought about this stage with dread. Really, I am generally not uncomfortable while pregnant even when I am in my third trimester. I know people complain about a myriad of issues but nothing seems to plague me. . . until I go to sleep. At this point in my pregnancy, my hip joints feel so loose that I feel like something is going to slide right off. So, when I lay on my side my knees knock together in some funny way that makes any more than about five hours of sleep in row very uncomfortable. But it is all worth it and only 6 more weeks until I know REAL sleep deprivation again – yay.
While I was napping, Brian and Lily took a short trip out of the city to enjoy some green (or brown or blue or anything else but cement).
all smiles
my daughter the energizer bunny!
Last night we all went to Lily’s preschool orientation. I think I was definitely the most nervous. I knew that I liked the style of the school, the program, the location etc. but I wasn’t sure if Lily would really go for it. I am happy to report that we all had a great time and Lily just went right in so confidently, was talking to teachers and making friends. . .and this all from my “shy” child.
There are many schools of thought (no pun intended) on the whole preschool thing. I think up here in Philly it is pretty intense (in my opinion). We don’t have anything like Mother’s Day Out for 2 hours one morning or two mornings a week. ”School” is serious business. I think my philosophy, in general, is against group care/school at a very young age. Of course I also do not think that it is “one size fits all”. Children are different and you have to be intuitive with the child that you have or if your child HAS to be in some kind of care other than your own then you deal with it and make it work.
Most people there (and this is a hippie/artsy, laid back school where you can actually get a 3 day option) were shocked that Lily was just starting at age four whereas most of the others started at around 2 or 2.5 years old. I tried to imagine sending my child off so young and all that she would have missed. Two years old is really the thick of establishing discipline and laying a spiritual foundation in the child. All this took time and a lot of effort. What if Lily would have missed it because “school” interfered or it was left to others? Who would my child be today? I am not sure really, but when I look at Lily I am confident that I have made the right decision for her. I could chase that rabbit trail for awhile, but I will move on.
There is also this assumption with “shy” children that to “break” them of this behavior you should ESPECIALLY put them in large social situations early. . . but why and does it really do what people think? Sure a child will “get used to” whatever situation they have to because children are resilient but my personal opinion is that putting a child out there before they are really ready diminishes their confidence in the long run.
I think of myself as a child. I was an extreme extrovert and loved all my little classes and programs. I thrived on lots of people and excitement. I processed things verbally and easily with most anyone, but even I HATED after-school care while my mom was working. I mean HATED the stress of it, though on the outside I coped very well. I think about Lily and how she does not like to run into a situation quickly or without a lot of time to think and process with me at home. We talk and discuss situations for a LONG LONG time before, after, during etc. She turns over every detail with me and finally gets to how she feels about things. When she feels rushed into a situation you can be sure she is upset, full of anxiety and crying etc. I have learned to respect her in this process. I am fast talker and thinker, so it has been really good for me to learn to take my time and let her be where she is. Part of Lily’s enjoyment in life IS processing all the details in time. . . and I have really come to enjoy that as well. She, also, just needs more alone time and is fresh and recharged when she is allowed that time.
So, when I watched my baby girl walk into new territory last night everything in me was questioning and wondering if I was being true to her and what she needed. . .as well as her timing. I am so at peace today knowing that she also felt secure and ready.
Now, about this preschool. . . it is really a hoot! It is called Moonstone and it is a literary based program. The oldest ones (and Lily’s group), the full moons are read to in the library for one hour each day from a “chapter book.” I think they are starting the Chronicles of Narnia again soon. From these stories, they create art projects, songs, and plays that relate to what they are reading. They have music, spanish and painting everyday but without ever being in a set classroom but flowing from space to space with the activity and mixing ages when appropriate.
One big ticket item for Lily last night was all the animals that live there. . . 4 turtles, 2 guinea pigs, fish, and two bunnies. And let me say that last night we all got quite a shock to learn that one bunny is “trained” and just hops around free all day and the kids cuddle, chase and feed it. When it gets tired it just hides under the couch. . . um whatever. It took me awhile to get used to the random bunny hopping through everyone. It seemed to like it though.
The whole front of the main “community room” is windows and of course right on a city street so instead of a big shade or painting the window to protect the children from outside eyes they have the most plants I have ever seen. Big rubber trees in pots etc. all in the window sill. It looks like a rainforest and does a great job of preserving the light but keeping out prying eyes.
I did not get many picture but here are some. . .
The entry way
Meeting the guinea pigs
The cubbies
A small corner of the vast library
I know some people are probably wondering why I am gratuitously taking and posting so many pregnancy pics. I mean even to me it seems a bit over the top. Here is why. . .
1. I only have pictures from 3 instances during my pregnancy with Lily and I really regret that – so I am making up for it in a major way especially since this is probably my last pregnancy.
2. I sort of started something with my “Bump Watch” and now feel obligated to see the whole thing through even though I am a little bored with it.
3. A few people really do clamor for me to post pictures – i.e. my mom 
4. I have just decided to have fun with the bump – you know wear it like an accessory.
5. You don’t usually see who is on the sidelines but Lily is always there, giving her input and having a laugh about how “fat” mommy is. So, I have fun with her too.
Here are some 32 week out-takes
I am preggo hear me ROAR – this made Lily laugh at least
Now you see it. . . . .
Now you don’t. . . .
Just bumpin’ it
Here we are at June 16 – two months away from my due date of August 16. In my little world, I am the last man standing so to speak. I have one good friend here in Philly who was also pregnant with me, but she had her baby last week (in 1.5 hours no less) so now. . . it is just me. . .on the home stretch into the hottest months. What is my response? Make lists constantly – long ones, short ones, scratched-up ones and rewritten ones. My favorite list so far is one that breaks down my goals for each month of the summer with an accessory list to the side of it detailing the things that need to be bought.
In the midst of all this, I am making an extra effort to spend time with Lily – to squeeze out our last days of just us. I mean I know that I looked ridiculous chasing a tennis ball into the street for an hour yesterday, but Lily is really into “tennis”. . . so I toss and fetch. And I know that the little girl across the street was obviously laughing at me today as I did my bunny hops down the sidewalk, but Lily and I were playing “Mother May I” and bunny hops were in order. . .belly and all. And, yes, Rittenhouse Square is posh and picturesque, but Lily and I had to indulge in our favorite outdoor pastime. . .chasing (and I mean chasing) pigeons. Lily is so excited about her long-awaited, little sister and someday it will be as though we have always had little sister with us too. . .but when Lily gets older I hope she remembers now – and us. I hope memories of today will slip through to nourish her and encourage her.
Things have been busy busy around here. We have had lots of activities and have several more fun ones coming up before we leave for vacation in ONE WEEK!!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEE! We are going to Destin, Fl for a week with the Musketeers and family (Manda, Kevin, Lucy, Erin, Andy and Andrew). I am pretty giddy about it and Lily has been asking for the beach countdown everyday. Of course in the midst of everything, preparations have been made for the trip. Since Brian and I would probably get the award for pyscho-overprotective parents, it is only fitting that Brian would insist on a lifejacket for the ocean. . .and not just any lifejacket but one that fits perfectly and has a collar so that it always keeps her face up no matter what. He LOVES to pick out and order things like this so you can imagine his excitement when it actually came – not to mention that he is also planning for Lily to use this on the boat that he is building.
trying it out. . . in the bathtub
have to protect our angel
oh man. . . .that face!
In other exciting news, Brian’s 32nd birthday is Saturday. Unfortunately, I will be away on our church’s women’s retreat so we had a little party on Wednesday night. Our homegroup met at a local gelato place. Lily picked out a a cup at A.C.Moore that she could decorate for her BELOVED DADDY. Now, when I say this I do not exaggerate how much she practically worships the man. I mean she has always been Daddy’s girl but lately all she talks about is when he is coming home or how much she misses him during the day. She decorated this cup so lovingly and was so proud to give it to him. I got Brian the Priscilla Ahn cd (which I would recommend) but I think it was overshadowed :).
Happy Birthday!
She said this was a cup he could bring to work to use
Other randomness includes . . .
Hugging baby sister
The Italian Market festival - ran into our friend Robert (only Trevor can truly appreciate this pic)
The CUTEST little man dancing his heart out at the festival - it was only 10 a.m.
at the airport
Today is a bittersweet day. Trevor has been living with us since October but is flying back to Memphis to get a summer job and finish up school at U of M. I think we have all learned a lot. It has not always been easy, but I know that he is going back home refreshed, changed and stronger than when he came. It had been such a long time since Trevor and I lived in the same place since we are so far apart in age. He was in fifth grade when I went off to college. In addition to everything else, I think we have forged a deeper connection and something that we can draw from in years to come.
Last night we went out to dinner in the true Savage + Trevor fashion – which means that every plan we made was was roadblocked somehow. We had been planning for a week to go out to this well known hoagie place and send Trevor off in true Philly style. . . but for some reason this place closed at 4pm. So, we looked up a new place, took our time and finally decided on another good hoagie place. We drove there and it had closed down – at this point we all start rolling our eyes and laughing.
So, even though it was cliche Trevor decided to get a Cheesesteak with whiz from Pat’s steaks which is sort of the tourist place to go but. . . he felt he had to try it at least once. I wasn’t much for a cheesesteak last night so I walked with Trevor to get his dinner and then we headed back to O Sandwich to meet Brian and Lily. What a weird place – a vietnamese food, bubble tea, gourmet baguette sandwich place. . . I didn’t get it but my sandwich was good despite the fact that I was so puzzled by the sun-dried to tomatoes on my Italian hoagie “wanna be” sandwich. . . Anyway, Trevor and I cringed as we watched Brian and Lily drink their bubble tea smoothie with delight.
doing a hip bump (Lily is saying "bump")
Which reminds me of what I will miss the most about Trevor leaving – having someone on “my brain side”. The bond between husband and wife is number one, but you are still two people coming at things from different frames of reference. Siblings, on the other hand, no matter how different they are from one another, because of a similar upbringing mostly have the same frame of reference. There are so many times that Brian will say things or like things (like bubble tea) that I just don’t get. Usually, I just think maybe I am the only one that finds them strange, but it has been nice to see Trevor looking at me across the room or table to catch my eye. We have been able to laugh together at all the silly quirks that are endearing but. . . we just don’t get.
"Don't go Trevor" - Dixie dog plants herself on Tj's dufflebag
Goodbye Uncle T
goodbye to. . . all the late night introspections, someone standing over me in the kitchen, my perfectly groomed babysitter, someone to help me with the dog, those bright, expressive eyes, someone to watch Fringe religiously with me, my extra hugs, my daytime, adult companionship, driving to South street at ungodly hours to pick up someone from work, someone to unload my groceries and park my car, driving to CCEF once a week, my junk food buddy, the stinky room, openness, someone that laughs at my bluntness but still “gets it” . . . .my brother.
Yesterday it really hit me. It started two days ago when I was hanging out with a friend who is also pregnant. She was showing me some bowls with lids that she used when she made her own baby food. I have no idea why the words “baby food” woke me up like they did but. . . I am going to have another baby – WOAH! I guess with all the drama leading up to this pregnancy and with the beginning of the pregnancy itself, I had not let myself really begin to envision another baby.
On one hand, I know the work that this entails – lots of around the clock breastfeeding, lots of “blow-out” laundry, being sleepy and thinking about sleep a lot, crying from someone with whom I cannot reason, my body out of whack etc. etc. etc. I will admit I am now used to the cushy life – not that Lily isn’t very difficult at times but for the most part a lot of my hard work over the last four years is really paying off. In so many ways I returned fully to “my” life - especially with dancing and performing. I am gearing up to kiss it all goodbye for awhile. . . but even though I know the sacrifices involved (at least with the way I am choosing to raise my children), this time I know the joy also.
Last night, Brian and I sat on the couch and watched my tummy roll. This baby girl is much more subtle than Lily was so we have to take advantage of those big movement times when they happen. We did not talk about names or things we need to do or get before the baby comes – we just sat there dreaming of another little girl running around after Lily. I think the only word that really sums it up is – grateful. At our home group last night, there was another baby girl, cooing up a storm and I watched Brian stare at her for awhile and then catch my eye. I think it has really hit him too.
